Lost in the Outcome by Rowan McAllister

Author:Rowan McAllister [McAllister, Rowan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Dreamspinner Press

Chapter 10

TIM DIDN’T know whether to laugh or cry. Here he was, in the exact same place he’d been with Nate only two nights before, about to have nearly the exact same conversation, and he couldn’t seem to go through with it. Last time, he was kind of drunk. That probably made it easier. For a few seconds, he thought about going for the wine bottle again, but he was so warm and comfortable, curled up with Nate, he didn’t want to ruin the mood by getting up. He just needed to cowboy up and do it.

Okay. Here goes nothing.

“The truth isn’t very pretty, and I can’t think of a way to spin it to make it sound better right now, so, if you promise you won’t run away as soon as I finish, I’ll tell you.”

Nate squeezed him tighter and kissed the top of his head. “I promise.”

Tim took a deep breath, lifted his head, and rested his chin on Nate’s chest so he could watch his face. “Okay. I work two part-time retail jobs that I hate most of the time, but I can’t afford to quit. I have student loans from the one year I was able to go to college before my mom got sick, and even after all these years, I can’t seem to make a dent in them. I’ve been couch surfing at a friend of mine’s for about a year now because I couldn’t afford a place of my own after my last roommates broke up and wouldn’t live together anymore at my old apartment. My credit sucks, so there aren’t many places that’d let me sign a lease anyway, even if I could afford it. And every time I think I might be digging myself out of the hole I’m in, something comes along and wipes me out again. Last time, it was a trip to the dentist, about six months ago, and a new fuel pump and tires for the piece of shit car you rode in…. There you go. That’s the truth. Now do you understand why I didn’t want to tell you?”

Tim closed his eyes then, in part because he was afraid of what he’d see on Nate’s face, but also because he was afraid he might actually start to cry, and he had no idea where that was coming from. He never cried, especially not over something that had been going on for years. That would be just stupid.

Instead of saying anything, Nate pulled Tim closer, hooked a leg over Tim’s hip, and wrapped his arms around Tim’s back, holding him tight. Tim didn’t care how hopeless Nate insisted he was. The man was goddamned perfect. Tim buried his face in Nate’s neck and just held on.

Eventually Nate’s voice rumbled through his chest. “I’m sorry, Tim. I’m sorry for all your hurt and disappointment. Everybody should have a chance to follow their dreams.”

Tim groaned and pulled away. “But that’s the worst part. The part someone like you couldn’t possibly understand.

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